they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
