Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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