My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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