I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
