Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
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I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
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I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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