So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We left the knife in your bed.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
