Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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