Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
