Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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