Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
