hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
