Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he thought i was a dude.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
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I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
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Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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