so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
