all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
