i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
