I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I need water and some morals
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
