Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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