Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
