I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
