$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
