alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
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I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
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I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize