I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
