Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
