hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
