I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
