I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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