erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
