Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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