am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I DEMAND FORESKIN
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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