I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
operation have a gay friend backfired
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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