Im at strip club and am horny
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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