it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
