wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
