Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
