It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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