Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
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And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
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He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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