Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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