So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a waste of cheezeits
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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