I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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