Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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