Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
my liver is dry heaving
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
