WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
