You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
