This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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