Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
