I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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