IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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