When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
