Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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