am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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