I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
