I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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