i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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