Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
