I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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