You really coming over, don't trick.
I looked at my own cervix.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
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we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
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It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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