I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
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He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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