they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
