Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
