I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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