i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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