I think im going to throw up on grandma
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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