U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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