It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
