Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
