We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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